By far and away, the most popular blog post subject is back! This time, I take shots at certain gym go-ers and personal trainers! I have done my fair share of nitpicking and ripping on different factions of the workout population (which I will continue in a second, don’t you worry) but now it is time to turn on my own. Being a Fitness Director as well as a trainer for most of my fitness career, I have seen my fair share of “interesting” trainer types and styles. After the usual hilarity of odd gym patrons I will give a few examples of my pet-peeve trainers. Read on and enjoy!
Disclaimer: I have taken more notice of people in packs of “individual” dress that happen to annoy the hell out of me. some are lone wolves, others travel together but we have all seen these people…
- “The Guy in Jeans”- We’ve all seen this guy(once again, always a dude) Somehow, someway this individual woke up one day and told himself that working out in denim was a good idea. He can range from as “normal” as you and I or as annoying as one of the many people I have portrayed. I personally hate working out in warm-ups and this dude prefers to work out in the lower half of a Canadian Tuxedo. I just don’t get it. The odd thing is, he seems so comfortable…
- “Sunglasses and Popped Collar Guy” If you and I are friends, the quickest way for us not to be friends is for you to be this guy. I don’t throw around the word “Hate” very often but unless you are blind (temporarily or permanently) THERE IS NO REASON TO WEAR SUNGLASSES INSIDE A DAMN BUILDING. “Do you have cataracts? A bright Future?” Why?! Why do you do it, you just look like a pretentious jack-ass! Idiot. Popped collars also send me through the roof. They looked stupid in the 80’s and they look even dumber now. Couple that with the fact that you’re working out with a polo on and its collar popped…you deserve to be popped in the face.
- “Hammer Pants, Fanny Pack and Bandana Man”- Depending on how you read this, this could be one person or three separate individuals. I have seen both, er…each. Typically he only has 1 out of the 2 unnecessary accessories to accompany his brightly colored and zebra striped Zubaz pants. (which is a blessing for the rest of us) I’m pretty sure if this early 90’s era musclenerd put on all 3 items and sunglasses there would be a tear in the universe somewhere… The cool thing is if you get a few of these weight room what-the-hells together, the combined “loudness” of their outfits drown out the bench press posses. (note: this individual usually wears a tank top)
- “The Wanderer”- I’ll be honest…I never noticed this person until last week, and they’re everywhere! The individual will do a set, get up, and aimlessly stroll around the gym. Some do it for attention, others just, well…do it. I saw this person at my gym get up and leave the weight room after each set. My curiosity got the best of me and I peeked around the corner to see what the hell they were doing. To my surprise…nothing. They would get to an “end point” and turn around and come back. No water, no restroom, no oogling ladies, just wandering. I felt a little like Seinfeld asking myself “where are they going?” “are they done with that or are they coming back?” “do they know about some secret part of the gym that I don’t know about?” “What’s the deal with these people?”
- “I.L.S.”- I.L.S. is an acronym I came up with years back that stands for “Imaginary Lat Syndrome”. The “Lat” (short for latissimus dorsi) is the large muscle on your back that can give you a “winged” appearance. In the case of the I.L.S. you just think you have big lats. These are the people that walk around thinking that they are so huge that their arms can’t rest to their sides because of their pumped back. Meanwhile, for those of us not on fantasy island, we realize they just look like a mobile mannequin that hasn’t been positioned quite right. Most of the time they can be found working out in jeans, hammer pants, bandanas, polo shirts, fanny packs or sunglasses…look out.
Now for a few of my favorite trainer types. Just a teaser though…
- “Mr/s. Social”- These are the trainers that talk to each and every person in the gym except for their own client. (you know, the person that pays us that should be the most important person in the gym to you for that hour) Now a little banter back and forth with others in the gym/studio while training is fine and can even lighten up the atmosphere for your client knowing that others like you. Forgetting that someone is actually paying them for their “expertise” while they chat it up with some popped collar idiot or hitting on the girl in the tight spandex, is a quick way for these jerks lose clients.
- “Pocket Trainers”- This is by far my biggest pet peeve for a trainer to do. Is there another possible way to look disinterested in anything than having your hands in your pockets? Try it, go to a mirror put your hands in your pockets and look at how ridiculously un-motivating (or unmotivated) you look. My perception when I see anyone doing that is that they are 1,000 miles away mentally and could care less about what is going on In front of them. To all trainers out there that read this “Take your damn hands out of your f*ing pockets”
- “Screamers”- To go on the opposite end of the spectrum of the pocket trainers, these trainers are the most intense nutjobs in the biz. Unless you are training an elite athlete who is pressing more weight than Zues himself could lift, there is no reason why we have to scream and yell to motivate. It’s like the people that suck at singing or dancing but think if they sing louder or move faster it somehow improves the quality of their actions. Sorry folks, it just attracts more attention to your deficiency. These people usually started out as a grunter and obtained some level of higher learning that allowed them to become hired.
There you have it everyone. Pass it along, read it to your spouse or read to the kids before they go to bed. Hopefully it gets you through the rest of the week! Have a great week and an even better weekend!
Erik Hroncich, NSCA-CPT
Posted in: Uncategorized
EDGE Personal Training 
Michael Dallas Miller
March 25, 2010
ILS Guy is known, to me, as Tennis Ball Syndrome Dude. They walk around as though two invisible tennis balls were placed under their arms which only serve to widen their chances of bumping into equipment and looking like a horse’s ass. TBS is classically accompanied by short sleeves and white sneakers.